Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
