I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
