Where did you get a picture of my penis
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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