the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
