oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my being single is dangerous.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
