The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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