My sheets look like a crime scene.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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