I love black thongs
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
