life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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