In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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