I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
