I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
