you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Randomize
