So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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