he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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