Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
