final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he shaved USA in his pubs
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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