You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
