i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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