If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
