ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
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Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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