Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
