Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
