i just sent this text using only my big toe
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
