i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
