he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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