Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize