do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
