thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
