I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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