So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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