I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
