how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
