I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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