I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
so much tequila, so little girl.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
