The best revenge is premature balding
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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