now i know why i became what i already was.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
third nipple confirmed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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