I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
