Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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