do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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