Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
