Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
