So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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