YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
