the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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