this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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