based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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