I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
