Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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