i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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