i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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