My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
