I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
