I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
