all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
