i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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