Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
