the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
