I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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