Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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