Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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