Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
