just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
