there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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