But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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