Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Drake has all the answers
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
