Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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