She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
