if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
