maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
