is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize