Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
