well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
