he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
