Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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