I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
