i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
