K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
