how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
